biggest loser

currenlty i was watching the first episode of the biggest loser asia. to see those morbidly obese people desperately "sell" themselves to get into the show. its funny to hear their excuses being wanted to be noticed by the opposite gender, and crying over the fact that everyone has been calling them fat

come on people..you can do better than that!

and then they showed how determined they are, telling that they are ready to do anything that the trainer ask them to do. when asked to do simple jumping jacks, they quit after doing 2 jumps. what the hell was that?

why i was so pissed about this is because i hate seeing people who rely on others to solve their problems. i totally understand that some just need guidance from the experts, which is totally cool with me. but some just see the programs as their short cuts on being thin.

same goes to life as general. we are not born genius, hardworking, lazy, pretty or whatever. we are born equal. what makes us differs from each other is our own drive to change things about ourselves or the surroundings. so if you feel fat, go exercise. you dont wish and wait for the trainers to come to cut all the fat. if you are lazy, you dont wait for others to teach you and give all the knowledge and absorb it all. if you have no money, you dont wait for the money to fall from the sky.

get you butt off and start to bring a change!

i know this one person, who always envy her friend for being rich, and get to have all the designer bags and everything. you have to remember, the money is not hers, its her parents'. so why you envy on person who is sitting on her parents' success and wealth? so what if she has coach or prada or louis vuitton. that doesnt make her einstein!

so stop envying, stop being typical malaysians who are jealous of others and stood still. if you are jealous, take it as a drive to make yourself better. get it??

havent you heard,

"why spend money that you dont have, buy things that you dont need, and impress people that you dont like?"

@_@

since the last nausea encounter, i didnt develop the symptom anymore...until today. right after the lunch (which i only had a glass of soy drink and pieces of chicken), as we were heading to cyberjaya, i vomited like crazy in the car. yes, u read it right. IN THE CAR. luckily i managed to grab a plastic bag and puked into it.

it didnt stop there, i kept on vomiting after i reached the campus, until nothing came out. the nausea was really killing me. we were supposed to have a seminar, but with that condition, i didnt think i could hold it up.

hubby saw me nauseated like crazy, and insisted us to go for check up. i have been refusing all along, because its was really early to detect the HCG (the hormone that u test in the urine for evidence of pregnancy) based on my LMNP (last normal menstrual period).

what got me really worried was, not only nausea, i also had spot bleeding down there. im not supposed to have menses right now, and the bleeding pattern doesnt look like menses anyway. so i gave in, and agreed to go for check up.

i did the urine test, the result came in negative. if u are to ask me how i feel that time, i would say its a mix of relieve and sad. im not really sure whether im dissappointed or glad. according to the date, its only been 2 weeks. meaning, if there is an embryo implementation, that would be possible, however the HCG level would be too low to be detected.

therefore, there is few possibilities. 1) i might be pregnant, but the HCG is too low to be detected. 2) im not pregnant, that would be just an abnormal menses 3) i have other pathological gynae problems.

therefore, i need to wait for my next menses. if its late, then i have to repeat the urine test again.

when i asked hubby if he feels sad/glad about the negative urine test, he just said..

"i dont care if ure pregnant or not. that would be God's job to decide. all i want is for you to be alright"

those words just make me feel more secure and safe. made me realized how lucky i am to have him..so now, im just gonna pray for the best. oh please i could not stand the nausea anymore! urghhh!!!

ps-thanks for those who care. my dear colleagues, i didnt mean to cause any chaos / drama, really sorry for that and i appreciated your smses. mucho love!

close call

i was in the car this morning, on the way to HKL, where i suddenly felt extremely nausea. at the back of my mind, i must had a food poisoning. but then again, hubby had the same thing as i did for dinner, how come he didnt have the same symptom? moreover, i dont have any diarrhea what so ever.

so i hold back, not wanting to puke in the car. once i reached the ward, i couldnt take it anymore, and vomited like crazy

being such GREAT friends, my groupmates congratulated hubby. damn it you guys!

this couldnt be it.. based on my calculation of the "female diary", and based on few stuff, its very much unlikely that i would "get it"

hubby put a poker face, but i knew deep down, he was freaking out like crazy

i myself FREAKING OUT LIKE HELL for the whole day. its still early to have it tested, so im just going to anticipate for more symptoms, and wait for the next menses to come. in other words, only time will tell.

its not that i dont want it. God knows how much i want a heart to start beating in my womb. but now is not the right time. i want a conducive environment, and 100% attention given to the child as he/she arrived in this world. that is not possible at the moment..

however, i pray for the best decision for God to make. i leave it all to Him. if to have a child is the best option, so be it. if not, then i'll be waiting

im back!!!!!!!!!!!!! (for the 18,000th times)

woahhhh!!!

i havent been blogging for ages!!

i literally totally forgotten that i own a blog. gile lah

ive never been this busy my whole life, even nak berak pun kene plan ahead okay? tak pecaya sudah

btw, i left the internal medicine posting already, and now doing psychiatric posting.

psychiatric=vacation. get it? hahaha

sekarang tengah mental block, tak tahu nak write ape. im gonna kick ass again! wohoo!

alhamdulillah

praise to God, after a looooooooongggggggggggggggg era of so-called "damnation" doing internal medicine rotation, i finally, FINALLY, had a great day today

all the patient in the ward were very cooperative

the consultant was very "input"-ful

and the most furious professor was in a very, very good mood. less scolding, that is

thats enough to make my day

thankyouthankyouthankyou. phew!

lost track of time

hey

i just recently started the second part of internal medicine rotation. my oh my, its harder than the first one!!! my group has 11 members, and we have to divide ourselves into four wards.

so that makes 2-3 person for each ward.

and a ward has 28 beds

unfortunate for me, i have to divide that number into two

so i need to watch over 14 beds

and make sure everything is updated before 8 am every morning

being supervised by the toughest guy in medicine in malaysia, prof abd rashid which happen to be the important person in clinical research, the malaysian medical board, the cardiology field and what not.

really, no one in this world could make my bowel movement goes hyperactive and stop my heart from pumping. i dont feel that much scared and nervous when i was about to get married. nothing can beat this feeling.

being in the final year, we are more focused on the patient's management as a whole. of which, ITS A MUST for us to refer to the good clinical practice guideline and be updated. everything is evidence based. the research end results that we are referring to need to be reliable. there is no such thing managing patient according to text books, the lecturer's experience or what not.

every end of the day, i need to eat, sleep and drink the malaysian's CPG and other updated guideline for reference. and propose it to each of my patient's management.

tired? yes. frustrated? yes. feels like quitting medicine and open up a gerai nasi lemak? hell yes.

but never once, i want to change my shoes with anyone else in this world.

weirdly, i love this pressure. i love this stress. i love being scolded like crazy by the professors and consultant if ive done something wrong.

because all of those thing, drives me to be better. honestly, i did not even spend a second in front of the tv, go to the malls or anything. (except 15mins facebooking everyday. thats a must)

im so pumped up to dive my nose onto the books and the journals to brush up the core knowledge.

i dont believe myself that im typing all of this. am i possesed or something?

with all said, i only can let 10minutes to be wasted on blogging. so let me go back to my nerd world

take care people!

i just dont get it

i bet ur newly-flattened abs that u just got (thanks to the fasting month) is now already bloated like crazy. we all know the one and only culprit : open house

i just dont get it. why people do open houses simultaneously within a day? when they know that the possibilities other people doing the same thing, why on earth they still proceed with the plan?

they know that the people they had invited might come to their open houses with full stomach, so why still serve people with extremely mouth watering delicacies???

why dont they do it in the middle of the month, when most of our pockets are empty already?

empty pocket --> dont eat --> hungry --> one open house with lotsa food --> eat a lot --> all food finished --> everyone's happy

isnt that more practical??????

so i preach everyone here, if you're thinking of holding open houses, do it every middle of the month. no matter where you're staying at, all your invitations will surely show up. even the uninvited. even me.

get it???

he's going

i just got back from sending off my little brother. apparently he is going to egypt to do medicine. another so-called enthusiast med student in the family *wink*


among the 5 siblings, he is the MOST clumsy one. ALWAYS forgot where he puts his glasses, wallets, keys, you know..all the IMPORTANT things.

and just now at the cafe in klia, after he finished eating, he just strolled off, WITHOUT his hand luggage. and not to mention dropping his sweater ALL the time

and now he's going there, all on his own....

you have no idea how worried i am..thinking all the cash he's carrying and the important documents. my goodness!

well then, dear brother, i wish you well. i hope your attitude change. i know medicine will teach you about life and make you a wiser and better person. enjoy living on your own on a strange land as its the best experience that you could ever get. been there, done that.

well, in case you are reading this, I AM NOT GOING TO MISS YOU. jangan perasan ok ;p


i found out that his so-called girlfriend (on-off thingy i suppose), are following my blog. well azima, thanks for reading my craps. and just so you know, shahir is so head over heels for you, and how he wished that you could send him off too. really, he loves you so freaking much. (suddenly i feel like Dr Phil)


as cheesy and phony as this might sound, the above picture is dedicated for you, azima. (my gosh i feel like throwing up!) ;p

so shahir, be good, and please grow up!! im looking forward to see you as a man next year okay. all the best ^_^